i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
