Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
