12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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