You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
