im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
