Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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