So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
