i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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