So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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