Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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