now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
