Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
