I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
