The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
