After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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