Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
