You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
