I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
