I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
