I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
