I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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