Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
