the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
