Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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