i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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