Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
