I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
