I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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