i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's the barista slut.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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