Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
