I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
