so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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