I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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