So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
