Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
