he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
