when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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