Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize