Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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