More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
