I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There are leaves in my underwear?
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