If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
