No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sober January is a disaster.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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