you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
