I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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