When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
