just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
