I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
