Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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