I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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