I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
