theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
