For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
