she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
