I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
