I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
