It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
