I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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