How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
