We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
