Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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