Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
